Memories

I find myself several times a day seeing things that I hope stay in my minds eye forever. Ten years from now, I want to be able to look back and see all of these cute memories just as vividly as they are today. For example, as I write this blog Chloe is pushing her little shopping cart. It is stuffed with her My Little Ponies and she is wearing a Snow White nightgown with the back tucked into her bright pink Hello Kitty underwear.

Everything about this scene is adorable. I hope I always remember it.

Yesterday Gracie's class learned about tooth brushing and healthy foods. For their class activity they made smoothies and then each kid got to make 'Ants on a Log' for their parents. Each kid came home with a quart sized ziploc bag with contained a tiny paper plate and their own Ants on a Log snack that they had made themselves. Grace could not have been prouder. Not only did she remember the recipe, but she made something really healthy all by herself that she could give me for MY snack. She brought it in the house by herself and made a big production about it, reciting the recipe loud and clear, "First, you break the celery in half. Then you put cream cheese in a little paper cup and use a plastic knife. Then you spread the cream cheese in the little celery crack and fill it up. Then you take raisins and put them in the crack on top of the cream cheese. It's called Ants on a Log! It's really healthy! It's for YOU mom!"

Adorable. I hope I always remember it.

Fighting seems to be happening at least half the time both kids are away. But, when they aren't fighting they are the best of friends. Chloe loves to walk up to Gracie and give her a big hug and a kiss and says, 'Best friend' which usually sounds like "Bess Fwend". I love it. I know we have many more years of fighting ahead of us, but I hope they will come to a day when they really are best friends and have more love than fights between them.

It's funny how most of the scripted events aren't the ones that make the mental scrap book.  Memories from fun or exciting family outings or holidays aren't the ones I cherish as much as the random Tuesday morning when the girls decide to walk hand in hand on the sidewalk into the library. Or the Friday evening when both kids squeeze into the same dining room chair and hug and talk while I clear the table.  Or the Monday afternoon when Chloe is Grace's biggest sideline cheerleader during swimming lessons and then Grace returns the favor that evening during bath time when Chloe takes her turn to try to bobs in the bath tub like Grace did during swim lessons.

These are the things I hope I always see in my minds eye. I'm so lucky that I get to stay home with my kids and can watch all of these events and see their own memories and relationship building. Love 'em!

Now, time to hit the shower so we can go build some random memories at Costco.

The Other "B Word"

When you become the parent of a school age child, the B word takes on a whole new meaning.....

Brat.

Can I just say, I feel this is a totally underused word these days. Maybe it's the lack of sleep, maybe it's the fact that I just finished reading a totally snarky parenting book, maybe it's the kid in Grace's preschool class who I just want to throttle at least once a week because of the way he treats his mom and teacher...who knows, but I have been on brat high-alert lately. 

Let me preface this rant-ish blog entry with the following disclaimer *my kid is not perfect and I am not a perfect parent.* However, I can say with certainty, my girls behavior will never humiliate me. Embarrass me? Yes. They will laugh when they fart in public and then want to talk about it for what seems like FOREVER. They will whine when they are sick of shopping. They will bicker with each other in public. But they won't be the kids disrespecting me in public. Why? A very healthy fear of their parents.  My warnings don't fall on deaf ears and I only warn once. And they know, I mean business and there isn't a grey area with the boundaries. 

So I ask, what is with all of these parents raising total brats?

This all stems from a little boy in Grace's class. I'll call him Brady. During the first few months of school, Grace would come home from school with a new story about Brady. I call it a story, because at this age her imagination is wild and she likes to embellish most stories. I really have to take them as half-truths. However, the stories about Brady just kept getting worse and worse. "Brady yelled at the teacher today." "Brady had to sit in the naughty chair today." "Brady threw a toy at another kid today" "Brady told Miss C to 'shut up' today."

I started to notice Brady when I would drop her off. He treats his mother like crap and she just smiles at him and says, "Oh, Brady. You should really be nice." I can tell she is just hoping the teacher will open the classroom door so she doesn't have to deal with any more of his behavior. It's seriously all I can do to not insert myself in the situation.

I just can't think of another word to call this kind of kid other than brat. When you have a toddler, this behavior is always part of the learning/testing process. Kids act out when they need a nap, when their blood sugar is low, when they are learning to share, the first time another kid gets on the slide at the public park that your child things s/he owns. It goes with the territory and can always be somewhat explained away. When you have a perfectly healthy 5 year old doing this, there is no excuse.

When I first witnessed this, I silently thought to myself, "Boy, this kid is going to learn the hard way."  Then I volunteered in Grace's class and actually witnessed things first hand. And you know what? I actually felt really sorry for this little boy. Brady's actions had already ostracized him fromt he rest of the kids. While adults can make excuses for kid's behavior, kids won't excuse it. Kids fall into one of two categories: the nice kid who plays well with others, or the not nice kid who plays with no one. Brady falls into the second category. He has one friend in the class...another kid who acts just like him. I must say, I use the term 'friend' very loosely here. He and this kid play with each other in a really bratty style. So they play for 1 minute and then fight for 5...repeat. The other kids won't go near them.

It made me feel so sorry for this little boy. His parents total lack of boundaries and discipline are already affecting his friendships and social life. He's only 5. At this point, things are only going to get worse. It made me wonder what his mom thinks. She doesn't seem to care when he treats her like crap. I wonder if she would care if she realized it is turning him into an unpopular kid? Let's face it, no one wins in this situation.

It has proved to be a really valuable parenting tool. When Grace comes home with Brady stories, I just remind her that she doesn't have to play with him but she has to treat him with kindness. We have had so many conversations about it and how important kindness is. Somehow she finally 'gets it' when there is such a visible example of what not to do.

So, there you have it. Life is too short to make excuses for other people's kids. Sometimes brats exist, and you just have to call it like it is. You have my permission to do so :-)